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We Can't All Be Rattlesnakes - Paperback
$9.99
In stock
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Return eligibility is subject to the full policy. Opened, read, or unsealed books with broken seals or visible wear are final sale. Digital downloads, gift cards, and personalized products are non-refundable. Original shipping charges are not refunded for standard returns. Contact us within 7 days of delivery about damaged, defective, or incorrect items.
by Patrick Jennings (Author)
Crusher the snake will charm readers in this entertaining, funny novel about a snake in captivity and how she turns the tables on her human captor.
I am a snake.
No, not a rattlesnake. I just look like one. I'm a gopher snake.
One day an oily, filthy, fleshy human child crossed my path. As luck would have it, he knew the difference between a gopher snake and a rattlesnake. He has imprisoned me in a terrarium. His name is Gunnar. He calls me Crusher. He thinks I'm male. I'm not.
He dropped in a dead mouse and hoped I'd eat it. I buried it. He then dropped in a live one, which he called "Breakfast." I didn't lay a coil on it.
Gunnar thinks I'll be his adoring pet. He's wrong.
In fact, I am planning my escape. I may take breakfast with me.
Back Jacket
I am a snake.
No, not a rattlesnake. I just look like one. I'm a gopher snake.
One day an oily, filthy, fleshy human child crossed my path. As luck would have it, he knew the difference between a gopher snake and a rattlesnake. He has imprisoned me in a terrarium. His name is Gunnar. He calls me Crusher. He thinks I'm male. I'm not.
He dropped in a dead mouse and hoped I'd eat it. I buried it. He then dropped in a live one, which he called "Breakfast." I didn't lay a coil on it.
Gunnar thinks I'll be his adoring pet. He's wrong.
In fact, I am planning my escape. I may take Breakfast with me.
Crusher will charm readers in this entertaining, clever novel about a snake in captivity and how she turns the tables on her human captor.
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Cindi Book LLC
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Orders ship within the United States. Cindi Book branded titles typically arrive in 5–9 business days, including 0–2 business days of handling and 5–7 business days in transit. Supplier-fulfilled items typically arrive in 8–11 business days, including 1–3 business days of handling and 7–8 business days in transit. Business days are Monday–Friday, excluding U.S. federal holidays. Delivery estimates are not guarantees. Cindi Book items have a flat $9.99 shipping charge. Shopify Collective items use shipping rates set by the supplier. Orders containing items from different fulfillment sources may include more than one shipping charge. Your full shipping total is shown at checkout before payment.
Returns & Refunds
Standard U.S. returns are accepted for eligible new, unopened items within 30 days of carrier delivery. Returns are by mail. Customers are responsible for standard return shipping, there is no restocking fee, and standard exchanges are not offered. Once an approved return is received and inspected, the refund is issued to the original payment method within 5 business days. Damaged, defective, or incorrect items are handled at no return-shipping cost to the customer.
Return eligibility is subject to the full policy. Opened, read, or unsealed books with broken seals or visible wear are final sale. Digital downloads, gift cards, and personalized products are non-refundable. Original shipping charges are not refunded for standard returns. Contact us within 7 days of delivery about damaged, defective, or incorrect items.
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